I personally have come a long way with my anger and control "issues." Once upon a time when my anger bubbled up to the surface, I used to physically hit my partner, throw plates and utensils across the room, punch the walls, scream loudly at the person who pissed me off, stomp my feet like a child and run away from the problem. My chest and throat would be pounding and head would feel like it was going to explode. Mind you, this was when I was 35/36 years old. I would slam the door shut, cry and beg to God, "Please take this pain away. I hate this feeling. I hate myself for doing this. I am so stupid." I would go into a deep spiral of self-hate and unworthiness.
To numb myself from this pain, smoking a ton of marijuana and going out to bars to get drunk so I can "feel good" again were the answers to my problems. Sometimes it would be to the point of blacking out. To cure myself from the hangover and embarrassment, I would eat endless amounts junk food and sugary delights that made my energy channels clogged up until I didn't know who I was anymore. And the cycle continued. Control. Anger. Shame. Drugs. Junk Food. Self-Hate. Rinse and repeat.
"What the hell was wrong with me? Why couldn't I be at peace? Why wasn't I normal? Why couldn't I be happy all the time? Who the f#*% was I?"
I wanted to immediately take the pain away. This was also during the beginning stages of my spiritual journey and I thought my anguish would dissipate soon after I found answers. I did anything and everything to find them. I watched endless hours of YouTube learning about spirituality and did copious amounts of research online. So much money was spent books on spirituality and healing (a lot of Doreen Virtue books). I went to Reiki healers, Crystal healers, Past Life Regression healers, therapists and spiritual life coaches to seek out answers. I took classes on Reiki healing, Crystal healing, Angel Inuitive and trained intensively to be a Kundalini Yoga teacher for 9 months.
What I didn't realize was that VERY, VERY, VERY SLOWLY over time transformation was happening. I have to emphasize how slow the transformation was. I didn't have enough patience...but that is exactly what I needed to learn. PATIENCE. From the beginning I asked for peace and little did I know that it was coming...but it was a step-by-step process.
Once I started diving deep and working on myself, there were so many past programmings that I had repressed and they was rising quickly up to the surface. I had no choice but to face them because I asked the Universe to help me feel better. It had to get worse before it got better. When it got too difficult for me, I asked my Angels and Guides to go easy on me. "Please, be gentle on me because this is a difficult situation to release. Thank you so much and I am in deep gratitude for this lesson I need to learn in this lifetime."
It took me a very long time to figure out that I had to allow myself to feel the pain. Sit with the pain. It's no wonder I numbed myself with outside sources...because I wasn't able to sit with myself and accept all of my emotions. All of my anger, doubt and fear.
I realized that it was important to embrace all of my emotions because that is what our Souls came here on Earth to do. I had to put my hands to my heart and feel the LOVE embracing my anger, fear, anxiety, worries and doubts. I had to tell myself "it's okay to feel this way," and more importantly, these feelings were so extremely BEAUTIFUL and DIVINE. I embraced my sorrows. I loved my pain. I had compassion for my fears. And then I let them go to heaven, to God, to Source, to the Angels. Feeling these emotions had helped me connect deeply to my Inner Child and my Higher Self.
Once I completely let go of a situation, such joy and peace overflowed through my energy channels. I allowed myself to receive, receive, receive. I held up my face and arms to the heavens and thanked them for sending me such a heart-opening release! I hugged and thanked myself for all the hard work I have done. I was basking in this glorious moment. I was celebrating all of who I was...good and bad, light and dark, the joys and fears, death and rebirth...all aspects of life.
Friends, if you are going on your spiritual journey and experiencing an all time low, please be patient with yourself and enjoy the moment no matter how dark it gets. Know that just like the tides, things will always change. We have no control so you might as well embrace the beautiful path you are going on. Dive deep with the lessons you have to learn. Be grateful and evolve into the Divine Love that you are.
I love you so much and give you a ton of strength on your path to healing. You are truth. You are Divine. Sat Nam.
Angela is an Intuitive Energy Healer, an Angel Tarot Card Reader, a Kundalini Yoga Teacher and a Meditation Guide living in Los Angeles, CA. If you would like to book a session or to contact her, please click here.